The following magical tale is an excerpt from Andy Nowicki's upcoming collection of new and old material, Low Status Male.
by Andy Nowicki
A beautiful princess of a vast and wealthy kingdom had two handsome suitors vying for her hand in marriage. She decided to test them, to see which one was best qualified to become her husband. She took the first into her castle and informed him, "To prove yourself worthy of me, you must perform various difficult and life-threatening tasks."
Suitor #1 gallantly answered, "My princess, my love is such that there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for you. Consider these tasks already done!" Then he went forth and performed each of these tasks perfectly, to the very letter, just exactly as he was told to do.
Andy Nowicki, co-editor of Alternative Right, is the author of eight books, including Under the Nihil, The Columbine Pilgrim, Considering Suicide, Beauty and the Least. He occasionally updates his blog when the spirit moves him to do so. His author page is altrightnovelist.com
Suitor #1 gallantly answered, "My princess, my love is such that there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for you. Consider these tasks already done!" Then he went forth and performed each of these tasks perfectly, to the very letter, just exactly as he was told to do.
He returned to the castle in a good spirit, and brought the princess news that he had done what was asked of him. At this point, the princess made a haughty face. "Ew!" she exclaimed disdainfully. "What sort of man are you, anyway? You run off and do exactly what you're told, just because some girl you like tells you to do it? Grow a backbone, mister! Get out of my sight! You are not worthy of me!"
After Suitor #1 left dejectedly, the princess called in Suitor #2. As she did with the first, she told this one, "To prove yourself worthy of me, you must perform various difficult and life-threatening tasks."
Suitor #2 answered, "Pardon me miss, but with all due respect, why must I go forth and do these various arbitrary things, just to prove myself 'worthy'? Honestly, it sounds like a ridiculous and absurd criteria. I'd love to win your hand in marriage, but not that way. I'd rather retain my dignity."
Upon hearing this, the princess stomped her shapely foot, flared her lovely nostrils and exploded into a regal rage. "HOW DARE YOU???" she shouted. "I am a princess! My wish should be your command! Go forth from me, wretched man, for you are not worthy of me!"
The next day, two new suitors were summoned to the castle of the princess.
THE END
Andy Nowicki, co-editor of Alternative Right, is the author of eight books, including Under the Nihil, The Columbine Pilgrim, Considering Suicide, Beauty and the Least. He occasionally updates his blog when the spirit moves him to do so. His author page is altrightnovelist.com
