DETECTING THE DEMON

The following is an excerpt from Andy Nowicki's upcoming publication, tentatively titled Demon in the Rough

I can speak about this apprehension with confidence, because I have experienced it myself.

I detected just such a presence, not through personal experience, as an exorcist might, but rather through research. 

Research would seem to be a dispassionate endeavor, and for the most part, it is. Yet when I pursued certain purported testimonies of high-level corruption, abuse, and atrocity, I quite unexpectedly found myself hurtling down a path leading to a most unwanted awareness of a most unwelcome presence.

I do not record my experience here (such as it is) out of any sense that I am uniquely blessed or cursed with prophecy, premonition, clairvoyance or “second sight.” What I have seen I have merely sensed, or felt, as one feels an unshakable conviction, or nausea.

The being I am attempting to describe was not one I wished or hoped to meet. In fact, I didn’t really meet it; instead, it met me. Rather, it savagely assaulted me.

First it lurked, initially in the range of my peripherals; then, when I turned my face away and attempted an escape, it inexorably pursued me; then it pounced with sudden force, and devoured me with savage delight as I cried in terror and anguish.

I was indeed devoured, but not consumed. As with the “burning bush” recorded in the book of Exodus, my agony was prolonged as this “rough beast” feasted on my heart.

I wept, but not for the pain of my heart being wrung so fiercely. I would have endured greater pains, far greater, if it could have meant being assured that my apprehensions were in fact, delusions.

I wept, instead, out of a devastated sense of surety that what I apprehended was indeed real.

And what was this reality that greeted my horrified apprehension?

I dare not relate it here in too much detail. Just as one is foolish to look directly into the brilliant light of the sun with unprotected eyes, so one mustn’t plunge into such an ungodly darkness without the aid of something holy and wholesome to ward off an overweening conviction of despair.

In truth, I am grateful to be spared the greater anguish of the ordeal as I reflect upon it now. I was brought back from the brink, though I still stand not far from its precipice, proximate enough to the abyss to be wary, cautious, and a bit shell-shocked.

What I saw was brutal, in a certain way that could be compared to that which the poet calls “nature red in tooth and claw.” Yet the violence done was not simply that of dumb animals led by brute instinct. The violence nearly ubiquitously took the form of sexually deviant depredations committed by the strong and well-connected, against the weak and helpless.

The perpetrators were well aware of the cruelty of their acts. They knew that their abominations were in fact grounded in cruelty, and very indulgence in undisguised cruelty was, in fact, the very appeal of their awful indulgences. 
Painting depicting cannibalism seen in 
John Podesta's office: artist unknown

The cruelty in which they engaged in fact reinforced their sense of power. The fact that they victimized the innocent produced in them an enhanced excitement, because in transgressing so flagrantly against those who should most be protected from harm (that is, the innocent), they felt they gained a psychic boost; blaspheming so boldly in defiance of decency gave them a sort of fuel.

Innocence could be harvested, then consumed.

I am attempting to discuss this process, terrible as it is, in a manner that is merely descriptive, rather than morally evaluative. One must at some point be able to isolate the phenomenon to see it as is, the better to comprehend the mindset of those who embrace such dreadful activities.

Yet regardless of one’s clinical approach, one cannot escape noticing that the behavior is spectacularly foul. Again, it is motivated by an impulse that simply shouldn’t be, since it runs entirely contrary to nature. Again, it isn’t just a willingness to act on a lower instinct rather than a higher one (which would be understandable if not admirable); rather, it means the cultivation of an entirely unnatural instinct, to do evil precisely because it is evil.

It is not just brutally violative in spirit; it is blasphemous in orientation. So it obtains just the sort of psychic stench that I have endeavored to describe.

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Andy Nowicki, assistant editor of Affirmative Right, is the author of eight books, including 
Under the NihilThe Columbine PilgrimConsidering Suicide, and Beauty and the Least. Visit his Soundcloud page and his YouTube channel
. His author page is Alt Right Novelist.