TORY CHAOS MADE SIMPLE

by Duns Scotus

No doubt a lot of people – both in the UK and beyond – are confused by the fast-changing pace of British politics in the wake of the Brexit vote and the resignation of David Cameron, and are scratching their heads at the tumult of twists, turns, and talking points that has reduced the commentariat to a virtual troupe of babbling baboons. Order has to be restored, as well as understanding, so to move things in that direction, here is a lucid and concise precis of the process to choose Britain's next PM.

YOU'RE NEXT

by James Lawrence

Well, you can't say they didn't try. Over the course of an anti-Brexit campaign based solely on scaring people with the prospect of losing money, the political establishment in Britain pulled out all of the dirty tricks that have worked so well for it in the past: vastly outspending the opposition, doing their best to gerrymander the voting, rallying the global plutocracy to aid them in their scaremongering, decrying the opposition as xenophobic morons and whipping up "anti-racist " persecutions against them, and even pouncing on the still-warm corpse of a murdered woman to make a final attempt to sour the public mood against nationalism. 

Even so, the public told them to get stuffed. Should this not be taken as evidence that the British people, after all this time, have still not descended to the state of homo economicus? A race long assumed to have degenerated into a mass of talking pigs, terrified of rocking the political boat for fear of spilling a few miserable pennies over the side, have shown an atavistic flash of courage that has no doubt chilled their masters to the bone.

MERKEL, CAMERON, AND THE EUROPEAN COMPASSION MARKET

by Colin Liddell

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king, and, right now, with the migrant hordes battering at the unhinged doors of Europe – while being fed and watered for their trouble – it is quite easy to stand head and shoulders above the low level of Europe’s leaders. Especially the childless Angela Merkel, whose brain seems to have been strangled in her skull by a late, misplaced, post-menopausal mothering instinct, which has imprinted on the feral, squealing hordes of Third World welfare shoppers, pushing towards Germany.

In the crumbling of Europe’s puny defences, there have been some bright spots, such as the Czech refusal to take non-Christians, along with similar noises from the Poles and other Slavs. Viktor Obran in Hungary has also put up some token resistance, but obviously not enough. The Hungarian police have never looked more pathetic than they have in the face of the migrants, egged on by the bleeding-heart international media. The invaders have ignored them and gone round them, only stopping to pick up free bottles of mineral water and snacks to sustain them in their campaign of continued disobedience. But, then again, it is not Hungary and the Slavic states that the migrants are interested in. It is affluent North European countries, like Germany, Holland, the UK, and those in Scandinavia.