THE DAY BROTHERHOOD DIED

by Brett Stevens

They woke up confused from fractured dreams, then groggily dug through memories to remember only a strange hooded figure, a brief pinch near the neck and then blackness.

Now they found themselves bound by ankles and wrists in a tent of plastic sheeting. A figure in a tyvek safety suit with a plastic window in the head-covering came closer, but the person was wearing a balaclava under the safety hood. He raised a syringe, but there was no needle on it. Their eyes tracked down the length to see that it was full of blood.

Each of these new subjects had been captured in the midst of an illegal but more importantly un-documented activity: illegal aliens, smugglers, homeless drug addicts. Each was now gagging down 10ml of blood injected into their mouths. This blood bore what the project leader called the “spore”: the Ebola virus.

PANIC IN FERGUSON, MISSOURI, AS EBOLA REACHES AMERICA

A local resident presumably stocking up on medical supplies.

by Phil Colum

Residents of the sleepy town of Ferguson, Missouri, were in a state of panic last night following the sudden, mysterious death of a young, aspiring college student Michael Brown.

The 18-year-old, who had recently taken up rapping and smoking, was found dead in the street after he experienced serious hemorrhaging. This followed a visit to a local store, where the brilliant young student inexplicably took some cigars without paying and then proceeded to disrupt traffic.

Erratic behavior and the sudden loss of blood and other bodily fluids are well known symptoms of Ebola, a disease that has been known to afflict people of African origin in the past.