WANKSTERISM

"Hello, my fellow chad alphas!"

Three years ago Andy Nowicki launched the extremely short-lived "Wanksterist" movement in a series of podcasts. Based on an analogical dichotomy between "fuckers" and "wankers," and the brilliant conceit that those who "satisfied themselves" were truly free, the movement was tragically handicapped by the public's inability to get metaphorical spunk off its hands, with a consequent dimming of intellectual eyesight. (The short book that Nowicki composed on this subject, Confessions of a Would-Be Wanker, can still be purchased for a "handily" low price...)

Now, seasoned by time, is the concept ready once more to shake hands with the world?

YOU'RE NEXT

by James Lawrence

Well, you can't say they didn't try. Over the course of an anti-Brexit campaign based solely on scaring people with the prospect of losing money, the political establishment in Britain pulled out all of the dirty tricks that have worked so well for it in the past: vastly outspending the opposition, doing their best to gerrymander the voting, rallying the global plutocracy to aid them in their scaremongering, decrying the opposition as xenophobic morons and whipping up "anti-racist " persecutions against them, and even pouncing on the still-warm corpse of a murdered woman to make a final attempt to sour the public mood against nationalism. 

Even so, the public told them to get stuffed. Should this not be taken as evidence that the British people, after all this time, have still not descended to the state of homo economicus? A race long assumed to have degenerated into a mass of talking pigs, terrified of rocking the political boat for fear of spilling a few miserable pennies over the side, have shown an atavistic flash of courage that has no doubt chilled their masters to the bone.

HOW TO DEFEAT NATIONALISM WITHOUT DEFEATING NATIONALISM

by Colin Liddell

You’ll have heard by now that the referendum on Scottish independence has resulted in a defeat for the YES campaign, with NO getting 55% of the vote to YES's 45%. You might also have picked up the message – piped in with the soothing background music – that everything is now back to normal.

But, two things: the campaign for Scottish independence has not been defeated and all is definitely not back to normal. Yes, the battle fought at the ballot boxes on the 18th of September resulted in an apparent decision in favour of NO and the status quo, but this was a Pyrrhic victory. The NO campaign may be straddling the winner’s podium, like a victorious redcoat after the battle of Culloden, but its guts are hanging round its ankles in the manner of an Anglo-Norman knight after the battle of Bannockburn.