TEN SHOCKING PREDICTIONS

by Andy Nowicki

1. I predict that the dispossessed majority in America will NOT revolt in 2011.

2. I predict that the dominant paradigm will NOT be subverted in 2011.

3. I predict that a formerly virginal young female star will attempt to shock the world by unveiling a sexy new image in 2011.

4. I predict that Glen Beck will predict the imminent collapse of America in 2011, but will use vague enough language to be able to backtrack when America remains just as repugnantly existent as ever come December 31, 2011.

5. I predict that Republican hacks will make jokes about Obama's teleprompter and Biden's hair plugs in 2011, and will crack themselves up in the process.

6. I predict that Democrat hacks will make jokes about Sarah Palin's alleged lack of intelligence in 2011, and will crack themselves up in the process.

7. I predict that someone famous will get in trouble for making allegedly racist or homophobic statements in some public or private venue in 2011, and will be forced to offer a humiliated apology for his supposed verbal malefactions. I further predict that said malefactions will NOT be forgiven by representatives of the dominant paradigm (which, by the way, will NOT be subverted) until he does further work to begin the "healing process," which he will immediately do forthwith, and that after he does them forthwith, the representatives of the dominant paradigm will CONTINUE to withhold forgiveness indefinitely.

8. I predict that powerful evangelical churches will pimp for Israel in 2011.

9. I predict that NPR will pimp for gay acceptance in 2011. 

10. I predict that a lot of drearily predictable things will happen in 2011.

Happy New Year!